Why Do Men Cheat?

I found out some bad news last weekend, my best mate had been cheated on. 

Now to put things into perspective, my best mate is not only gorgeous, he’s a show-stopper. Putting His Model looks aside he’s also intelligent, funny and extremely ambitious. His only downfall is his narcissistic tendencies. But hey, who wants to date someone insecure?

As for his boyfriend (ex now) well, he’s not exactly Brad Pitt. To quote Cher from Clueless, “he’s a Monet. From far away it’s ok, but up close It’s a big old mess”. 

So when James called me hysterically after finding graphic, x-rated sex- texts on his partner’s phone you can imagine my surprise. I was even more surprised when (after 10 minutes of Facebook stalking) the guy his boyfriend cheated on him with had a face like a dropped pie. And this is not me being biased. 

So why do guys who can have rump steak at home prefer to chomp on  canned corned beef?

I know how James felt when he found out. Hearing the news resurrected traumatic memories for me.

First of all it feels like Rocky’s just punched you in the stomach. Then there’s several trips to the toilet to throw up. Soon the thought of them touching someone else invades your mind and then your eyes begin to swell up and sting from crying. If you’re a smoker, like me, you sit there and chain until that too makes you sick.

When I found out my ex boyfriend of almost two years had been cheating on me for six months I was inconsolable. What made the revelation worse was the pure hypocrisy of it all.  He used to accuse me 24/7 of cheating on him. Basically, anyone I knew who happened to be male, I’d slept with.

It got to the point where I couldn’t have any male mates, unless they were gay, and even that was a struggle.  Yes, he was the nutty ex I referred to in my first post. Jeremy Kyle may be a self-righteous twonk but he’s right about one thing: “Those who are constantly accusing their partner of cheating are usually doing it themselves.” Amen Jeremy.

When I found out I lost all touch with reality, I turned my back on the world and locked myself in my room to rot away like Miss Havisham. 

Of course he came groveling back with an expensive bracelet from my favourite jewellers, as a present. As if that would eradicate the fact he’d been f***ing another girl behind my back for six months.

He also wrote me a letter, addressing it to “Chubbs” (my pet name….yes I know!!). He said he was “so sorry” and that he had the “best memories with me”.

After hours of painful, hysterical shouting we both sat down on my bed. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him so I stared at the over full ashtray instead. After five minutes of deafening silence, I asked him why he cheated.  He told me he did it because it made him “feel better being in bed with another girl knowing I was getting chatted up all night”.

His fears of me “getting chatted up all night” were over my old job as a promotions/ shot girl.  What he didn’t seem to comprehend, no matter how many times I reassured him, is no shot girl ever finds men on a night out remotely attractive, as they are always drunken sleazeballs. Incidentally, he didn’t mind spending the money I earned. I’ve lost count of how many tubs of Creatine tablets I bought that meat head.  

After he left I called the girl he cheated on me with, as he tried to make out they’d only slept with one another a few times. It soon materialized that he had been leading a double-life. She had no idea we were still together and thought he was her boyfriend. We spent hours fitting things together on the phone and actually ended up laughing about his ridiculous lies. We said if he undertook a lie detector test the machine would explode because it wouldn’t be able to cope with the amount of bull shit which came out of his mouth.

She is too good for him too, and I hope she’s found a decent guy now.

When James asked his boyfriend of 10 months why he did the dirty on him his answer was even more devastating than the discovery of those disgusting text messages. He told him that he never really loved him, and that he only said he did because James told him over and over how much he loved him. He also said that he’d never wanted a relationship and that it felt like they’d been together longer than they had because James always made everything “so serious”.

I can tell you, hand on heart, that James was more than patient in that relationship. He didn’t smother him, nor was he demanding, and when Rob said he was busy with “uni work” James would understandingly step aside.

If he didn’t want a relationship then he should have made it clear 10 months ago. If James had known the score from day one he wouldn’t have got involved. He’s a pragmatic person who isn’t flippant in love and has a selection box of guys to choose from.  He would never make someone his everything, knowing he was just their something.

So why do guys cheat? Is it Insecurity? Or perhaps Opportunity? Or are they just slags? Well, in my experience it’s all three.

As for James, there’s no quick cure for a broken heart, and although it’s an overused cliché on Late Night Love, time really does heal. He doesn’t see that right now, but in a few months he’ll look back and think “what did I ever see in him?”

Because I think that every time my ex pops into my head, and now, that’s not very often. Thank God.